It’s been awhile since I’ve drafted any type of lengthy reflection. Maybe I haven’t made the time. Maybe I haven’t had the time. Maybe I’ve been less reflective. Or maybe because every time I sit down to write I get interrupted. Like now. Annie, yelling for me from the kitchen.
Silence and space for reflection. Almost non-existent with these little ones. At least while they are awake. Now Talia is crying. Wanting her leftover pizza from dinner. “You didn’t eat it. Why do you now want it?” I ask. But it doesn’t seem to matter. And now she is rolling in her tears on the floor.
* * *
I read the WSJ on the front porch today. It was close to 100 degrees, but there was shade and a slight breeze which made it bearable. Especially with no shirt on. Caela sewed an apron, while Rachel sewed one for Emeth out of T-shirts they got today from a Chili Maker at Whole foods, promoting his creation. Annie laid sick on a blanket while Talia played with water.
Later, from that same porch, we watched hail fall like I’ve never seen. And now, an hour later, the sun is shining.
And Talia is eating her pizza. I gave in. And now Annie is asking for hers, though she tells me her belly still hurts.
And she just threw up. Thankfully in the bucket. “Maybe we should save your pizza for later, honey.”
* * *
Caela and Emeth are sewing upstairs. I think. Getting into whatever their next creation is. Gloves, I believe they said.
Maybe I haven’t written much because I don’t have much to say. Or maybe most of it got spilled onto paper via my manual typewriter. Seventy or so pages worth. Maybe true reflection has to happen more in silence.
Yes, I do get silence. Mostly in the mornings. Or occasionally when Rachel is out late with a friend. Time to unpack stifled thoughts.
Annie and Talia want to draw now.
* * *
Tonight, we made pizza. Well, Caela and Emeth really did most of the work. Hopefully our new Saturday tradition.
I said maybe I don’t have much to say. But that’s wrong. I know I don’t. And I’m okay with that. I want to just be present here with these little ones. Faithful, each day. Day after day after day after day. Because I don’t know when it will end. This life, I mean. It is so fragile. Even these precious moments from today. Drawing in the morning with Annie and Talia, while Caela and Emeth went food shopping with Mommy. Lazy afternoon on the porch. Reading the paper and sipping hot coffee with Rache while our backs stick with sweat to the rocking chair. Trying to fill her in on the headlines between questions. Sewing. Pizza. Hail. More sewing. More drawing.
And who knows, maybe in an hour when I’m starting to get the kids ready for bed I will lose perspective and patience. That is what I mean by fragile. Contentment comes and goes. It is elusive. Was it Lewis who said ‘The only way to find true happiness is to stop looking for it’? I can’t remember. But it seems true.
And now Talia dropped a pencil in Annie’s throw-up that I forgot to clean out. Oh, well.
And so I leave these scattered thoughts, not because they seem worth sharing, but perhaps only to document some of the insanity and joys of our life together. And mostly just to share some fun pictures.